What am I doing?

This morning I woke up 6+ and snooze until 7:10am. Wasn't late or anything but was just thinking to myself, what if I can't get used to this...

Actually I tried to psycho myself to stay in this job and set a target for myself: the setting up of my makerspace by the end of the year... 

Secondarily, I also want to be financially free so that even without income, the makerspace can actually be an augmentation to my rental. 

Halfway into the day, I feel like just leaving this job and go back to working for myself. I'm not sure if it's because I don't feel like dealing with meeting date lines I cannot control or that I'm not used to the bureaucracy and paperwork.

Work aside, I think I'm finally being punished for my frivolous acts.... Perhaps this is the life I'm meant to live and that's why my romantic plans while I'm younger didn't came to fruition.

But after all said and done, I feel quite at ease even knowing that I might very well be suffering the consequences of my cheekiness. It's not like I'm going to change my ways anytime soon, but I think I'll have to be a bit more reserved and not let this affect anyone else.

Damnit I feel like looking for a part time job that can just provide me enough for my car so that the rental can be used for my house. Unless I get a handout for a pick up, if not there's not freaking way I'm going to sell this car.

Grrr... Sg is such a tiring place to live in comfortably... Even for a single with not much commitment.

OK, time for lunch... Ciao. 

Last update?

After all this time, it's foreign and familiar at the same time.

Since 2015 until now, so much had happened.

I guess some of the key milestones I have to list to count as an update:

So I married the crazy girl in 2016, it all went south and we got divorced in 2019. Freaking hell, I should've came back here to read my last post.....

Oh well, it's a been there done that moment and I must say i'm very grateful for a 2nd chance. The moment i signed the divorce papers, i've never felt so unburdened and free.

Free from the synthetic obligations that I had to be responsible for a crazy woman. Free from the emotional and metal stress I had to put up with.

Anyway, that was 6 freaking years of my life 'wasted'. But no point to dwell over spilled milk.

So my career changed drastically over the years, from preschool worker + part-time insurance, to Ops Manager, IT, Facilities Manager. I've evolved into some kind of management wonderkid, no longer looking at simple job to give me satisfaction.

And today I've ended up on a 'dream' job. I guess it's just 3 days in, there's seem to be some red tape to get me inducted.

Seems like I'd be slacking for a bit until I'm pushed into action. I really hope this will be my last job that I had to interview so hard for.

Till my next update.

Just some random update

It's been a long time since I've updated this space. I guess somehow I've lost myself along the way? Last post was really a down time for me and it's kinda bittersweet. This time around its more of an update and also some rantings...

So from then till now I've changed jobs, started a few businesses, gotten used to public transport and gotten into a relationship. So much has changed since the last post no doubt it's more than a year. I felt that I've grown and changed so much in terms of character and attitude.

Jobs been a drag. I guess it's gonna be all the same every where. So since it's gonna be the same everywhere then might as well get a better job with better pay and probably less stress... I find myself enjoying more when I'm working for myself too with flower werks, fibrebroadbandsg and lynx ace. I can't wait for the time when I can go further time into it and operate it however I want it.

So I've met this girl too. It's hell lot of a roller-coaster ride. Emotionally, mentally... I really don't understand women. I thought I could but I really don't. I'm trying but it gets me mad all the time. I don't know how men can live with women for so long. Where's the respect and gentleness? I must sound like a jerk but I swear that I'm not... Or at least she thinks I am....

Whatever it is, just feel that I should put something out here. Just to clear my heavy chest. With so much going on in my life I guess I'm spending my life well. Just that the emphasis is not on Jesus... I've gotta say that I've changed. Quite a fair bit, very unwittingly but probably naturally. Somehow unwillingly I guess.

Oh well, guess it's true that when people grow they'll change. No doubt about that. I just hope whatever I want now is gonna be fulfilled in the near future and become more focused.

Goodbye my dear wife

Today is my last day with you, my love, my mule and muse.

I fear for the days I will long for adrenaline and excitement and not to forget the convenience at disposal. It is  definitely a dreaded choice but nonetheless a wise one.

You will be missed dearly by those who have benefited from your faithfulness this past 4 years but not as much as by me, your owner and lover. If it's not for some weird ownership policy and high market-driven madness, we'd probably be together forever? Or at least till death do us part =)

For as long as I remember (actually only 10 years), I have been driving around the roads of Singapore and exploring the fun, exciting and sometimes crazy nooks & cranny of the heartlands with my lovelies. From the Lite Ace, to the Extol, my not-so-trusty Corolla till faithful Lancer, I would describe them all as amazing.

If I told you that it's alright and everything's fine, it'll be a lie. A habit for 10 years is not just hard to break, it'll probably give me withdrawal symptoms...

I hate it when people starts to say that i've let it go too cheaply or that I should've done this and done that but I'll post those who said this the question "Then you should buy it off from me if it's so cheap...", "Pay me $XXXX every month so I can keep it..." and "Do you even drive?".

I'm pretty pleased with what I've gotten so far. It has been an exciting 10 years of driving and car ownership. I've enjoyed the status, the highlights, the fun, the disappointments, summons, freebies and freedom. Thank you Silver Bullet, I'll miss you!

I'm glad to have been a blessing together with Silver Bullet for all who has been blessed. I'd love to bless more but the time has come for me to start thinking for myself and start self-bless =)

I pray for a good owner to take over you and also for the landscape in Singapore to be transport friendlier in ALL ASPECTS...

GGGRRRR!!!!

Microsoft, what are you doing?

You apply updates to our XBOX 360s and made them freeze upon login...

Are you trying to get us to buy your new XBOX ONEs?

Such tactics are not gonna work and we refuse to bow down to menacing profit hungry corporations such as yours...

SHAME ON YOU!

Get our console fixed... You've been losing to Playstation in almost every corner and now this? Wake up your idea!!!

It's been a long time... Sounds old...

A lot of things had happened and it just whizzes by in a blink of an eye.. Today is a rare day where I'm able to sit down and gather all my thoughts and reflect... In the midst of all the madness that i'm facing...

Secretly I think i enjoy being tasked with "important" jobs... Jobs that gives immediate results and satisfaction... I hate easy tasks that complete fast and non-fulfilling... Those tasks that wouldn't make a difference if you have or had not done them...

Since the last time I've blogged, everything had changed... Nothing has been the same.
Relationship status, financial status, job status, spiritual level (i think) and outlook towards my life's goal has all differed starkly...

I'm not sure which is the spark that caused me to change, maybe it's really everything that falls into place... One thing that will not change is that I'm still me, situation will change, motives will change but my personality will always be the same.

I still miss you... Always thinking of you... It's not a conscious thing but out of no where you'll appeared on my mind... I don't know why but I guess you've hold a huge space in my heart... The only consolation is that I know that you're doing ok, I guess that's fine for me, or is it? I'm not too sure where to draw the line... Not gonna text you not disturb you, not gonna shun away for no reason either. Platonic relationships can be sure a bore... or a chore, or just so hateful... well, at least for me it is, towards you?

Anyway, that's not the only thing going on in my life.. We are having the messiest time of our lives starting this company. But it's fun... I really hope we can get some investors and kick up a storm in our industries... Let's see if we could do it by the end of this year... Lots of eyes are watching, we are going to do something great...

Church camp is coming up! I do miss attending camps... Sad to say i'm part of the committee this time round and something which I don't enjoy doing, but probably am able to do with ease... Logistics has always been a strong point of BB boys and we do get things done like clockwork...

Cafe 589 will start soon too with a bang! Hahaha! I am really hopeful that the leaders will open up their hearts and minds and eyes to seize this opportunity to make use of the building we have. I'm really excited with this program, I really hope to have this realised!

It's really hard to move on, I've really tried... I know that it is possible and easily to go to another but hey, it's not the same... I actually yearn for you even in the company of very sensibly attractive people... After you was K, then the M and now a prospect can settle down material fine lady... BUT, why am I thinking back? The freq just ain't right...

URGH! Why am I back on this?

Anyway, please support me for the following:
www.fibrebroadband.wix.com/home
www.facebook.com/flowerwerks
www.lynxace.com.sg

Have a good one eveyrone, signing off!
Leo

Let me off...

Not another day past without me thinking of you...

Mixed emotions in me right now...

I just hope that all is well with you, and just so we'd be clear, all my promises still stand.

Thinking back, I didn't start out with a level playing field, but then what's more to ask for anyway? I was given the chance but I wasn't able to make full use of it.

Perhaps it's the transition or just that I am who I am and you are who you are... Maybe it's just not meant to be...

It's really not like me to just give up like this, but I don't want to cause any more tension and strain... So this silence is just me stepping aside and cooling things off...

Till the time is right....

For those who know, let me off, i don't wanna talk about it any more. Please don't mention anything about this anymore...

For those who don't know, please let me off too... Keep it that way...

Thank u

For e opportunity.

I know there may be a lot of obstacle to go through but I think I'm prepared to suffer for u.

I really wish that everyday would b 5th Mar 2013.

Flyer would mean something else to me all over again. E amphitheater should freeze in time.

I wished it were forever.

Imy, ilu...

Could this last?

I did the unthinkable again this morning... I hope this time round we'll last and work things out tgt.

God pls don't strike me and rmb my transgressions :( I'm just a human being with feelings. Denying my feelings is like denying myself and that I can't do.

Once bitten twice shy they say, but this is the third time, so shame on me if I don't learn.

Everything will b ok. I believe so, I know so. Just as long as there is u and me, we'll live thru it tgt, nobody will tear us down.

Jiayou jiayou!

Ilu, imy.

This should be a good rest.

Blogging to you on my iPhone in San Francisco. Yep! Back in the states, this time for holiday.

It's been 4 days already, in 3 days I've covered most parts of SF's attractions but doesn't seems as fun as LA or SD. Even the clam chowder was just normal to me. Not to forget the dreaded rain...

I really hope the rest of the trip would be really really awesome. Don't let tiredness or sickness come near us. Already Lovelle is feeling not too good, myself too am stricken with stuffy nose.

Waking up late means no free breakfast n delay in visiting. We really should rest early n wake up earlier to get the best out of everyday.

We're going to leave SF soon n heading to LA. If you're reading this do pray for our long drive! But first stop shall be Gilroy premium outlets. There we'll definitely get some good buys :)

Signing out.

All for sale...

Bought much stuff recently, so gotta clear some old working stuff...

Anyone interested can just let me know, if not i'll sell em' off eBay...

White iPad 2 Smart Case (Front)

White iPad 2 Smart Case (Rear)

Pest-Stop 4000MT - Anti Dustmite/insects device

Motorolla Surfboard Modem - For Starhub Broadband

Xbox 360 Kinect Sensor + Nyko Zoom

Linksys WRT160N V2 Wireless-N Ultra router

In times like these..

I think it's befitting to reflect on the Word rather than accuse one another and make unnecessary comments...

Whenever I see news on leaders and elders that are in the news for bad flak, I always remember that they should always be above reproach.

Which reminds me that 1 Timothy points us to so much, even way before such stuff happens... 1 Timothy is a good read, you can easily cover the book in less than 30 mins and gain lots from it.

Timely reminders, here's what I've extracted that I find useful when trying to align your moral compass...

^“3 As I urged you when I went into Macedonia, stay there in Ephesus so that you may command certain people not to teach false doctrines any longer ⁴ or to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies. Such things promote controversial speculations rather than advancing God’s work—which is by faith. ⁵ The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. ⁶ Some have departed from these and have turned to meaningless talk.⁷ They want to be teachers of the law, but they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm.”

1 Tim 1:3-7

^“8 Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. ⁹ I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, ¹⁰ but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”

1 Tim 2:8-10

“¹Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. ² Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, ³ not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. ⁴ He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full^[a] respect. ⁵ (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)⁶ He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. ⁷ He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.

⁸ In the same way, deacons^[b] are to be worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. ⁹ They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. ¹⁰ They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.

¹¹ In the same way, the women^[c] are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.

¹² A deacon must be faithful to his wife and must manage his children and his household well. ¹³ Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus.”

1 Tim 3:1-12

“¹⁷ The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. ¹⁸ For Scripture says, “Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain,”^[a] and “The worker deserves his wages.”^[b] 19 Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses.²⁰ But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. ²¹ I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.”

1 Tim 5:17-21

“³ If anyone teaches otherwise and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, ⁴ they are conceited and understand nothing. They have an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions ⁵ and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.

⁶ But godliness with contentment is great gain. ⁷ For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. ⁸ But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.⁹ Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. ¹⁰ For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”

1 Tim 6:3-9

Old stuff for sale...

In response....

I built it instead!

Ah! I feel a great sense of accomplishment! Rather than going to work and waste my precious time in THAT kind of screwed up organisation, I did something really meaningful today!

Here are the pics =)

Tools and material all from Daiso

$52 poorer =(

1st time I use such a saw...

Measuring to make sure it's the correct length

Used to hold 2 pieces together

Filling in the gaps, making the bond stronger

Almost finished!

I didn't have to use all the holds =)

Strong and sturdy...

Broken Tank

I now understand why I got the tank at $100 with cabinet....

Not only it has a 2.5 inch scratch on the front - the most irritating thing when you're looking at your fishes.
The middle brace that's suppose to hold the front and rear glass gave way!

Oh me oh my.... I really hope it does not give way anytime soon....

Now it seems like this is my only option... I got a quote for $120.... kinda expensive... .$20 more than the tank =(

(c) Copyrighted 2012. Leonard Chia

Babies for sale...

Some things never change :)

Kids will always be kids. :)

Wisdom and knowledge

The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 8:3-11 NIV)

I stand in admiration. God is graceful and His wisdom is unbound. He forgives and does not condemns. Amen

Thank you Jesus

Thank God for yesterday.

Although I'm still sadden over the fact that grandpa has gone on, selfishly I was quite happy. When I arrived at the wake, mum asked me if I could offer incense to grandpa. Obviously I said I can't as a Christian.

Thank you brothers and sisters for praying for me and my family. I believe God letting me off this time round from persecution is not because I will prevail in His name, but there are more important things for me to accomplish.

When I walked grandma up to her home, I really struggled. I didn't know how to share Christ with her. In my heart it pains me as I try to get her to take some rest. Her frail body taking each step up the stairs and into the house felt like thistles pricking my heart with every beat.

The Holy Spirit must be telling me that I should share with her the gospel... Obviously I didn't, it was late, she needed to rest, she cannot understand English and my Mandarin is not strong enough to share the gospel. Oh me oh my... thousand and one excuses... all I can say is that i'm ashamed of myself...

Later on will be another day at the wake. Thank God for his awesome timing, coincidentally this is the only week that I do not have weekend classes... I wonder... It means that I could stay up late to support my family at the wake and have a good rest this morning til all the ceremonies will be over and I can head over in the evening again.

Brothers and sisters-in-Christ, please please please pray for my family. Kar Qian have been a babe to me, we've grown closer and I treasure this kinship. Pray for her salvation together with her family. Pray for my grandma and her salvation, no doubt she doesn't seem to suffer any illness but I really hope the time that she have left in this world will be an enjoyable and comfortable one.

Thank you and thank God once again.

Grandpa passed away...

On the 9th Feb 2012.

Although I can't say we're very close, we're not very cold either. My grandpa is the cool dude kind, the very few men of that era that speak fluent English and was a Policeman in his younger days.

My favourite memories with him were during the younger primary school days where Ben & I were often brought out to Orchard road to buy toys. He often get us into those 20c kiddy rides and never tires.

Subsequently as we grew into secondary and tertiary schools, meetings were once in awhile and brief. We would watch TV during CNY and he would give the darnest comments to make everyone laugh. I would miss that every CNY... =(

The part that saddens me is the speed of his condition. He was looking so fine on 初二 of CNY when he visited us, albeit his slight dementia. He still could joke about his memory loss and laugh about it. A week later, he landed up in hospital when I was sailing. Mum said he could respond, recall and react normally the 1st day he was admitted.

The day when I came back from the sail I had a rude shock and went to visit him the moment I got the news. He couldn't recognise me or my father. He cannot focus and had to be restrained. It pains my heart to see my ah gong treated like this even though I knew it was for his own good.

When I visited him on my own on the following Monday he was admitted to Neuro ICU. He cannot recognise me, he cannot response and cannot speak, I couldn't get him to look me in the eye. I tried to share Jesus with him but I'm not sure if he heard or understood me. He was so weak that whenever he tried to struggle out of his restrain, he would fall asleep and wake up a minute later. It just continues until I couldn't bear to watch anymore.

Today, another rude shock after work. Re-admitted to Neuro ICU... Urghh... Uncle Meng said that he had a fit and subsequently many blood clots in the brain. Doctor warned us to be prepared for the worst. I hate that... How do you prepare for the worst? It's nonsensical... Just be mentally prepared would be fine. The sight of him lying there and the breathing machine forcing air into his body makes me wanna pull all the tubes out... I felt angry and helpless... just can't help but fell helpless. All I did was pray and remind ah gong about Jesus.

10.30pm or so, I received the last news about ah gong... "Grandpa died alrdy" from my mum... Haiz was all I could do. At least there's no more tubes and hoses to be shoved into my grandpa, at least the pain stops, at least he is at peace at last. No more suffering.

I regretted not being able to share with ah gong about Jesus precisely and get a confirm response. I know I will not forget this episode because of the images that I've seen, the suffering that he underwent during his short week stay in the hospital. How can a life flash pass so fast in a week in a hospital? All my visits I question the medical staffs, but to no avail as to what is his condition and why so fast...

I guess only Jesus knows...